Your Mom is so damn scary lookin'...

• Your Mom is so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her.
• Your Mom is so greasy she sweats Crisco.
• Your Mom is so greasy she uses bacon as band-aids.
• Your Mom is so nasty her breath fails the California State Emissions Test.
• Your Mom is so nasty she used Secret and it told.
• Your Mom is so nasty I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
• Your Mom is so nasty when she got in the tub to take a bath the water jumped out.
• Your Mom is so nasty she made Right Guard turn left.
• Your Mom's teeth are so wide apart she flosses with beach towels.
• Your Mom's teeth are so wide, I don't know whether to smile or kick a field goal.
• Your Mom's teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles.
• Your Mom's teeth are so yellow she spits butter.
• Your Mom is so bald she uses rice for hair rollers.
• Your Mom is so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
• Your Mom is so bald you can see what's on her mind.
• Your Mom is so hairy when she takes off her shirt it looks like she's wearing a sweater.
• Your Mom is so hairy she look like she got Buckwheat in a headlock.
• Your Mom is so hairy she's got afros on her nipples.
• Your Mom is so hairy you got rugburn on your head when you were born.
• Your Mom is like clamchowder: thick and chunky.
• Your Mom is like a squirrel: she always has a nut in her mouth.
• Your Mom is like a bad internet connection: she's always down and everyone's trying to get on.
• Your Mom is like Pizza Hut: she'll be there in 30 minutes or it's free.
• Your Mom is like a race car: she burns 4 rubbers a day.
• Your Mom is like a stop sign: she can be found on any corner.
• Your Mom is like the ocean: big, wet, and smells like fish.
• Your mom is like an avocado: I don't know why.
• Your mom is like a 7-11: open all night, hot to go and for 59 cents, she'll give you a slurpee.
• Your Mom is like a moped: it's fun to ride until your friends see you on it.
• Your Mom is like a bowling ball: she's picked up, fingered, and then thrown in the gutter.
• Your Mom is like a screen door: after a couple bangs she tends to loosen up.
• Your Mom is like the Pillsbury Doughboy: everyone gets a poke.
• Your Mom is like a doorknob: everyone gets a turn.
• Your Mom is like a TV set: even a three-year-old can turn her on.